Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
