I'm lost and stupid without you.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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