You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
