She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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