This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
