Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize