happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize