I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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