He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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