i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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