she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
