the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
PANTIES FOUND
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
