I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
