So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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