If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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