everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
