i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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