We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
