in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
