i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
