I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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