While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize