for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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