maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
