she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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