You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
