dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
