I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
