he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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