I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
