There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
