I can text with my tongue
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
