I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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