I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
