Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
