kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
