If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
