I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
