alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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