i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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