pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
