you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
