hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
