If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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