allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
