I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
