I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
