Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
