If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
