escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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