I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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