is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
