Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
