I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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