Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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