i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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