is your mom at the bar?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
