Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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