I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
