what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
