we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize