youre lurking in front of me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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