Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
