I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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