But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
