Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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