Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
