bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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