I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You ruined the universe
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
