Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
