She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You may now shotgun with the bride
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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