Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
