Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize