perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
