weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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