What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
