I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
