just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
