BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize