I just found puke in my bra..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize